Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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