Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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