He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
