Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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