just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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