I hate all girls vehemently.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
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