Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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