Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
