brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize