Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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