So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
