I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
