I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
