Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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