I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
