My room smells like vodka and shame
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
