He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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