Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
