Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
