My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
