I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
