I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize