Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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