just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
