absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
