Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
