Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Randomize
