i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
