Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
