I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
my phone needs a breathalizer
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
