***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
if only i could text you this smell
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
