i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
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