I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm too high and old for this...
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
