Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
