did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
sex in a hospital.. check
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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