Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
