I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
