Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
