Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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