I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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