piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
