apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
