is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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