we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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