I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
