Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
