Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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