His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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