$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
