What did we do last night that was yellow?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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