$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
