id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
