he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
