The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
