your room smells of hookers.
And success
i think i have herpe
just one?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
