my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
