Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
My balls are so social today.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
