I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Congratulations! We have a period
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
