Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize