last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
