My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I wish there were birth control emojis
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
