to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
