Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
