Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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