Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
