I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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