hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
