Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
