Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize
