no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
