All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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