Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
