Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Barsexuality is the new black.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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